Let Go (of That Ugly Hair)

January 13, 2022

Before we left Seattle, my sister highlighted my hair to help blend the gray. I had been coloring it the same color since I was 22, and the line of demarcation drove me nuts every 4 weeks. So, I decided that I was ready to let my gray grow, and my sister gave me a head start by removing some of the built up color with highlights.

Since then, I have chopped my longer than shoulder length hair to my collar bone, then to my chin, and as of this morning, to my cheek. The hubs hasn’t seen it yet, and I’m sitting here a little bit anxious about what he will say. 

Since my goal is to grow out my gray, the thought process was “if it’s shorter, then it won’t take as long to grow it out.” Makes sense. My other thought was, since it’s my goal to have long natural silver hair like my mom, then this is an opportunity to sport a pixie for probably the last time in my life. 

So, I went for it! I asked my daughter if she wanted to give me a haircut and she jumped at the chance! I got the clippers out and almost backed out when I couldn’t find the #8 attachment. Her little face looked so disappointed at my hesitation, that I got the longest clipper guard I could find, #6, and let her have at it! 

She went over my right ear first, and I had a momentary freak out. I couldn’t believe how much of what was left was gray! And without it grown out, it looks very salt and peppery, like a man. Ladies can look salt and peppery, too, but usually with more hair than a #6 guard left. I let my precious girl finish, and then made a quick trip to a cheap hair salon. The stylist cleaned it up and complimented what a great job my sweet girl did. Now I have a long, disconnected, undercut pixie. Not quite what I was going for, but it’s a change. And when this isn’t working anymore, I’ll change it. 

I’ve spent so much of my life hanging on to the things I knew because they are comfortable. I was afraid to let go and try something else. This hairstyle shows my R ear, and it’s a pretty ear. It also highlights my high cheekbones. That’s not what I was going for, but I think I will grow to love it. I guess my point is to embrace each stage as we go through it. Living in a motorhome has made me let go of everything I “knew” and I’m embracing this new lifestyle. Finding what works, and letting go of what doesn’t.

I have a friend that has long hair. It’s been over processed through years of highlighting and coloring, perming, and straightening. It looks like a long rat tail in the back, but that tiny strand of rat tail is what gives her the most length to her long hair. It’s funny to notice it on someone else, and I’ve wondered why she doesn’t chop it off to have a healthier, full head of hair.

Only, that’s the exact same thing I was doing! I would see pictures of myself from the back, and there was my stringy rat tail, that made up the bulk of my length ~ because the volume stopped around my shoulder. I couldn’t imagine myself without my long, wild hair. My husband loves it, and I didn’t know how he would react. With each hair cut over the last six months, he has embraced it and told me how much he loves it! I’m sure this will be no different, although we may throw around the term “little brother” for funzies. He will get used to it and eventually run his had up the back of my head and love the texture of my #6 crop.

I’m still getting used to it. I don’t think this will be my favorite cut of all time, but it’s a stepping stone in a long process to get me where I want to go. I wouldn’t know if I didn’t try.

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